I bought them two weeks ago and I’m frankly appalled: the huge tub is half gone. Maybe I should lock my drawer at work? Or maybe I should seek professional help for an addiction which I cannot admit to.

In this society where people gamble habitually, spend all of their money on drugs to shoot themselves into oblivion and smoke until their fingers turn brown, I’m not sure that I could ever bear the public shame of being exposed as an addict. That is why I turn to you, my faithful Blog. My one true friend in adversity.

No one who slipped down this dark and murky path ever came to anything other than a sticky end. And quite frankly that thought scares me. I lie awake at night, shivering in a cold sweat, thinking about what happened to poor Jack getting his brains beaten out of him by the Beanstalk giant while in search of his next fix.

Several weeks ago, I remember when I first bit into one of those juicy beans I was catapulted hapilly back to my childhood by the flavour of ripe pears and remember thinking – “These are brilliant!”

But that’s how everyone starts. Before you know it, you’ve moved onto the hard stuff. Spicy cinnamon and cappuccino, down and down. Before you know it, you’ve gone too far….

The people who make these things are sick.

It’s not easy to rile me. I’m one of the nicest people I know.

For someone to make me feel angry, stressed or annoyed - and feeling powerless and frustrated into the bargain – takes something special.

Although this is a quasi-private space where I should feel free to let off steam should I so choose, I also realise that it is a public forum. Experience has taught me to keep my opinions to myself, sometimes.

Suffice to say that I’ve made a decision: I’m moving house.

When you live as a paying lodger with someone, as a friend, it can be difficult. If your name isn’t down on any tenancy agreement then you’re on dodgy ground as it is. But when your friend’s circumstances change, and they want you to move out so that they can have the room you’re in for something else, you don’t have a leg to stand on.

When people get into relationships, they change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse. But change they do. They are no longer their own person and their priorities will be their own. The friend I now live with is a world apart from the person I met years ago. His priorities are understandably with his fiancee and his new business. And when the whip is cracked, he knows to fall in line.

At present, I work very long days and study late into the night. My weekends are taken up with my sound engineering, leaving me precious little time to do the other things I enjoy, like parkour or socialising. This has been tolerable for as long as I’ve had my own pleasant and private space at home into which I can retreat. This space has now become claustrophobic and little more than four walls between which I can sometimes sleep.

Enough. No more! I’ve been round this loop too many times to allow it to happen again.

I may have to be even tighter with my money but fuck me if I’m gonna live in another battlefield at the mercy of someone else’s whims. I’m going to get my own place, however much it costs. And I’m going to live there. And I don’t just mean dwell: it’s gonna be my place with my stamp on it. My pictures on the wall where I want them, not creeping around trying not to annoy people who decide to go to bed early. Not tripping over someone else’s junk or putting up with loud domestics. Not having to pick dirty pans out of the sink to cook or battling to keep my food from being eaten. I no longer have time to stress over petty politics and snide remarks.

I am starting to feel a bit more like my old self once more. Rather than being buffeted around in someone else’s washing-machine of a life, I feel like I’m taking control again.

Life’s going to get more stressful before it gets easier, but I’m looking it square in the face, holding out my upraised, flat palm like good old Bruce, and beckoning to it. 

Bring it on…. )

Ever been in a position of responsibility? You’ll understand just what I’m about to say here.

If you teach, instruct, lead or are just publicly visible, there will be people out there who will want to identify with you. They may look at one of your attributes (good or bad) and think “I want that to be me.”

Whether it’s a way a person dresses, looks, speaks, plays the trumpet, an easy manner with the opposite sex. Whether it’s the car he drives, her way with words, his skill with a football or his authoritative manner of business.

Sometimes that’s a positive thing. Good qualities often go together. Think of all the kids who grow up saying they want to be Steven Gerrard or Tony Blair. It’s human instinct to look at others and emulate them – for that is how you can gain a natural advantage. Evolution is at play here. Look and learn – you’ll gain the skills to survive and flourish.

Many humans, being what they are however, cannot help but take onboard the whole package. Using Steven as an example, I have nephews who have got to have his football strip, who have cut their hair down to the bone, who emulate his speech.

It’s easy to assume from what I just wrote that I’m referring just to kids here. Yes, it applies to them for sure. But it goes for adults too – it’s just that we’re a bit less obvious about it. I find myself using words that were not in my vocabulary a short while ago, and I can usually trace it back to someone that I’ve been in touch with lately. I’m sure that, if I hadn’t found a connection with that person, I wouldn’t be using their bons mots.

….which brings me back to my point. If you’re the person in the hot-seat, you must be aware that – like it or not – you are probably a role-model to someone. If not now, then certainly in the future. If you teach, your actions and behaviour will be remembered long after the words have faded from memory.

If you truly like what you do, then aim to inspire. Show people how much you are enjoying yourself and maybe some of that energy will rub off on them. Teaching is a frame of mind, not a job.