History Lesson: The term “Shotgun” refers to back in old Wild West days, when a person would have to sit next to the driver of the wagon with a shotgun to protect them from highway robbers.

The Rules So far….

1. The Shotgunner must be in clear sight of the car, and shotgun can be called regardless of whether or not the driver is in sight of the car.

2. If you are the first to be picked up on a journey, you are automatically given shotgun. Unless you violate the other shotgun rules (thereby forfeiting your position) the seat is yours.

3. You may not declare shotgun if someone has already declared shotgun for that journey.

4. When simultaneous shotgun is called, there is then a foot race to the passenger side door from all the people who called.

5. Shotgun cannot be called whilst inside a building (unless you are in a multi-storey or underground car park!)

6. Shotgun cannt be called in advance. It is valid only whilst on the way to the car for that journey.

7. On the call “shotgun”, if the driver wants to mix things up a bit he can call “reload”, this means that all calls of shotgun before that are null and void. The first person to call shotgun again gets the seat. This is often used when there is a simultaneous call and the driver is unsure of the outcome. NB: a shotgun has two barrels so a reload can only be called once.

8. Once shotgun has been called for the front seat, then back left and back right can be called, thus leaving the fifth person to travel in the middle (“bitch”) seat.

9. Seeing as everyone is created equally, men have the same right as women to the front seat of the car. i.e. women don’t own the front seat!

10. In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given shotgun.

11. Once the journey is underway, the driver is the obvious controller of the tunes. However if they feel the road needs their full concentration, or they simply cannot be arsed any more, duty is passed to the shotgunner. However putting on crap tunes or allowing for silence when the iPod finishes a song or ANY instances of TAKE THAT will result in demotion to bitch seat.

12. Shoe Rule. Anyone calling shotgun must have their shoes on. This is to stop people running outside, calling shotgun, then having to go back inside to put their shoes on, thereby slowing the journey.

13. Shotgun overrules Dibs, Baggsies and and other girly calls!

14. Despite the debate, shotgun can be used to shotgun things other than the front seat (e.g. back left, back right, women, not going to answer the door etc, etc, etc.)

15. If travelling with a couple, one of the couple must shotgun the front. No one wants to chauffeur two of their mates whilst they are sat in the back all over each other.

16. If someone has successfully called shotgun, this gives them no right whatsoever to correct the driver on their navigating skills (“take a left here you dickhead!”) or driving ability (“I’d be in third gear if i was drving”) If the passenger does this then they forfeit their position as shotgun holder.

17. If someone says “whats shotgun?” after it has been called then they have to walk.

18. You come up to the car and shotgun has already been called and sorted. The driver gets in and reaches over to unlock the shotgun door. If shotgun opens it *before* it’s actually unlocked(this happens when the driver is still trying to unlock it and person pulls on handle) they have to give up their rights as shotgun. SHOTGUN SUICIDE in other words!

19. The successful shotgunner, in the front of a vehicle, assumes the responsibility for all gate opening, off-licence nipping into, takeaway-ordering and question-asking. He/she is, in essence, the co-pilot and therefore the enforcer of behaviour in the vehicle and exacter of slaps/punches/water-spraying/bag-throwing at the passengers in the back.

20. Automatic Couples’ Rights Act 1997. This states that, if the driver is the boyfriend/girlfriend of a passenger in the car, they have the right to the seat of their choice.

21. The Pirate Rule – If one of the potential occupants of the vehicle is dressed (convincingly) as a pirate then they are given automatic shotgun. In the occurance of more than one pirate then a sword fight shall determine the succesful shotgunner.

22. When driving past a woman walking a dog, everyone in the car must shout of the window “Who’s walking who?” It is the shotgunner’s responsiblity, and failure to spot a potential heckling results in demotion to the bitch seat.

Doing parkour training late on Thursday evening, it was getting a bit dark and we were getting a little tired. I attempted to pop up the 15ft wall at Castlefields with a short run up. I made it and got my hand over the top but lacked the strength to pull myself up one-handed. I let go and bailed but as I came down towards the floor, the side of my foot scraped the wall and spoilt my landing. All 13 stone of me landed on one ankle on its side. There was a sickening and audible crunch and strangely no pain. For a couple of moments anyway. I knew this wasn’t going to be good. I hobbled over to one side where I could sit down. The first thing I did was reach into my bag and dig out four brufen, getting them down my neck as soon as I could – it might not hurt now but it would. My ankle started swelling almost in front of my eyes. My mates helped me hobble to a nearby gym where they got me some ice-packs.

Sod’s Law this would happen just before the Bank Holiday weekend, too. Paul kindly took me to Salford Sainsbury’s to get a few bags of frozen peas but fate had other plans. I hopped out of the car, grabbed a trolley to push for support and entered the store. Immediately I heard a scream from behind me. “Everyone get to the front of the store!” I chanced a look over my shoulder and saw a bloke in a black balaclava brandishing what looked like an axe in a menacing manner. I acted like I’d not seen anything and carried on pushing my trolly to the back of the store. I picked up more brufen and some ice-packs, paid for them and then told the pharmacy counter till guy what was going on. We all calmly walked into the area at the back of the store until it was all over, which, in a few brief moments, it was.

The police arrived just moments too late (or just in time, you might say) to catch the thieves. They took half-hearted statements from people who’d seen anything. Paul and I just did one before we got dragged into coming down the station for interviewing.

My ankle is buggered. I’ve got muscle and tendon damage and the whole thing is purple and swollen. Looks like I’m on my arse for up to a month now while it heals. Not happy – no more training for me till it’s sorted.

It always starts for me when the clocks spring forward. As soon as my body accepts that it has been cheated of one hour of sleep, and gets over it, I get this sort of smile inside my head which never quite leaves me. I get a bounce in my step, my head lifts up and everything that yesterday seemed impossible now looks achievable.My body only acknowledges two seasons, winter and summer: black and white, sad and happy, cold and warm. The other two are a kind of halfway house which leave me impatient and eager to get on with the rest of the year.